Who knew?

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Apparently fasting while you have a cold is bad. Lol.

Dr. said hold off till it’s done.

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The Training Video

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In the magical community, The Organization protects us from the world in general. Most people think it’s just keeping the pitchforks and torches at bay, but that’s just a small part of it.

It’s a delicate balance between being open with magic, and being in the closet. It’s been general policy to keep secrecy as our highest priority, but our precogs have determined that’s going to change soon. However, that’s not the issue at hand. In the 1920’s A startling discovery was made about the nature of our universe. Normies have had an interesting go at a few ideas like the many world theories, and they’re dead on, for the most part. Here’s the thing: Our reality (and most of the alternate universes) are a thin smudge enveloping (and enveloped by) some other space. Not a big deal, right? Wrong. There are Ancient Ones lurking in there, and they don’t like the fact that our space is a essentially a partition between more other space. They try to tear it down at every chance, by corrupting people on our side and making them open a gate for them. It’s worked for them a few times, but never on a scale large enough to pop our reality like a balloon, and reunite the other spaces.

Unfortunately for us, our minds cant comprehend the nature of these Ancient Ones without going –and this is a technical term– batshit insane. Some of our …weirder mages have had a meeting of the minds and figured out a way to protect ourselves from this encroaching madness.

The decision is that to protect ourselves, we need to become jaded. They discovered that by constant immersion to horrible things, we become desensitized to them. In order to ensure this would happen on the scale we need, a delivery device had to be invented.

So, behind the scenes, we fostered the invention of a technology that would quickly be adopted by the world, one that would mold the minds of everyone who used it, by providing both the stupidly cute, and the most horrific things that could be imagined.

That’s right! We invented the internet!

And it had made huge swaths of the population into jaded trolls who can flat out deny the madness with a simple “Lame shoop”, “Tits or GTFO” or “Seen better”.

So the next time you’re faced with a creeping extradimensional madness, you’ll have us to thank for your sanity. (but you’d better run away!)

So, we’d like to welcome you to the team!

Please report to Mr. Hartwood for your ID’s and if you’re assigned to the Sasquatch sighting assurance squad, your flea powder.

–The Management

Show and Tell (Part 3)

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Having figured out the gimmick to make the secret panel close again, the two of them snuck the scrapbook into Maddie’s room, where the two of them pored over its contents carefully.

“I can’t believe it! Our parents were superheroes!” She squealed.

“I know! We gotta show our friends! They’re going to be so jelly!”

“Supa jelly!” Maddie nodded, closing it with finality and shoving it under her pillow.

“Tomorrow then?”

A car horn tooted twice in quick succession.

“Ah! Your mom’s here. Check your place to see if your parents have anything.” She spun Eddie around and shoved him out the door of her room.

“Yeah, yeah. I’m on it.” Eddie waved as he snagged his book bag from the couch and headed out.

***

“Hey Mad,” Eddie said as his best friend slid into the bench of the cafeteria table beside him, “You bring it?”

“You betcha,” she grinned, “Ready to get this show on the road?”

He grinned manically, mimicking her “You betcha.”

A few minutes later, the two of them had a large crowd of students around them jockeying for the best spot to see the scrapbook. Even before the first bell had rung, the entire school had heard about it, which suited Maddie just fine, because neither of them had ever really been the center of attention of anything.

“Hey, Maddie,” Julie whispered, “Are your parents still superheroes?”

Maddie shook her head, “I’m pretty sure they retired, my dad is an IT manager. I can’t really imagine him going out and fighting crime anymore. It’s a career for the young, you know. He’s almost thirty-five.”

“Wow, that’s old.”

“Yeah, but he’s still active.”

Julie nodded as if she had grasped something deep and wandered away.

“Ah, I’ll see you at lunch, Eddie. Gotta get to science class,” Maddie closed the notebook, and shoved it under her arm.

“OK, Mad. I have something to show you too.” Eddie held his fist out, and it was met with Maddie’s, “Later chick.”

***

Mr. Horowicz tapped the blackboard with his pointer.

“And if you move further into the solioquy, you’ll see more phrases that have been taken into common usage. For example, Here, where it says  ‘When we have shuffled off this mortal coil,’ and further down, ‘The undiscovered country, from whose bourn no traveler returns’ Who can tell me how these were used in pop culture in the late twentieth century?”

Eddie had only been listening with half an ear, as he had been fiddling with a gadget that he had snuck off of the utility belt of the costume in Maddie’s closet.

“Mister Polowski!”

Eddie jumped up, the unknown gadget tumbling to the floor where it began to slowly unfold.

“Ah, yes. There’s a Star Trek reference there, sir.”

Mr. Horowicz glowered at Eddie for a moment, then glanced to the floor where the device had unfolded to reveal itself as some sort of a mini drone, “Yes, that’s right. Do I really have to tell you that we don’t allow toys in class?

The bell rang, and the class immediately began to leave, causing Eddie to snatch the drone up, to keep it from being trampled inadvertently by his classmates.

“S-sorry! I forgot I had it with me.”

His teacher grunted and dismissed him with a wave, which Eddie gratefully accepted, grabbed his things, and joined the press of bodies heading into the hall.

 

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On The NecroNomNomNomicon series

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I was asked recently, “How can I call my series Lovecraftian, when the world is seemingly humor based?”

I admit, it was a good question, and although I know the answer, I never brought it up with anyone other than my brother Travis.

Here’s the f’real deal.

The original Lovecraftian world is dead serious. As well it should be. Folks don’t often get out alive or sane. And that’s kind of a problem.

A group of mages who were tasked to prevent Mythos type uprisings realized that the very nature of them tended to completely ruin a normal person’s life with just a glance. Sure they were usually fine themselves, but that’s what they’re trained for, but not the average guy.

What to do.

So they took it upon themselves to change the world in a very literal way. They molded pop culture, and guided technology to essentially jade the masses against what would make your 20’s era gumshoes lose their nuts. All the super HD horror movies, apps, television and other new and exciting things have gradually been desensitizing people against the reality-warping sanity-shredding nonsense from other universes.

Think about it. How many people do you know that would LOVE to see a zombie apocalypse? (raises hand)

Exactly.

The humor is a defense against the impossibleness of the Mythos.

But there’s more to the defense than that, but it’s a secret!

–Felix